


Hell is Your Son-In-Law from Another Dimension

by wynnebat



Series: Hell is Other People [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe, Crack, Dark Harry Potter, Dimension Travel, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Harrymort, POV Outsider, Serpentine Voldemort, Summoned Hero, aka tall pale & scaley Voldemort ;), not especially explicit sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: A desperate Order of the Phoenix discovers a ritual to summon from another world a hero who has the power to defeat Voldemort. But when two people are bound so closely together, the ritual's magic just decides to bring them both and let things sort themselves out.





	Hell is Your Son-In-Law from Another Dimension

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maurey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maurey/gifts).



> This is technically an AU of HIYS, but it stands alone pretty easily since it's just a play on the "Order summoning a Harry from another universe" trope. 
> 
> [Prompted](https://greenmornings.tumblr.com/post/166586192491/aaaaa-you-have-no-idea-how-glad-i-am-that-you) by Maurey over on tumblr.

A crack that seemed to pierce the veil of reality, a sound that rung in her ears like the screams of a thousand demons, all with the backdrop of a relentless while light that Lily was terrified was going to leave her blind—

Silence.

A breathy moan.

Lily's eyes flew open. While she blinked her eyes to try to orient herself again in a darkness that seemed oppressively black after the shining white light, Lily hoped that the hero they'd summoned wasn't hurt. It would be just their luck to summon someone on the verge of death. Oh, Merlin, she shouldn't have put her hopes into this ritual. But then there was another moan and a whimper of, "Fuck, hey, I'm not drunk enough to be hallucinating."

Lily couldn't hold in a gasp when she finally got a glimpse of who the ritual had brought into their world. Instead of just one person, there were two, all caught up together in a way that could be nothing but lovemaking. It was hard to make out their faces in the dim light, but they were undoubtedly two men. One man had his back to the ground, though he was starting to leverage himself into a better position onto his elbows. The other was sitting atop him, knees on either side, riding him, his cock swinging in the air.

"You're not hallucinating," said the second man in reply, staring intently at the people standing around him, though he didn't tell his partner to get off of him.

"Really? Huh. Wow, that means you people are really taking your voyeurism to the next level," the first man said, sounding more appreciative than anything. "Is this the afterlife or something?" He looked around. "Oh, never mind, unless Sev, you've died in the past… three? Three hours? What's it been? And Sirius, you're here too. I thought you weren't interested in any combination of me and sex. Tell me that's changed."

The man under him reached over and pinched the first man's ass. Lily felt her blush cover her ears as well as her cheeks.

"We're in an alternate dimension," the second man said. "That's the only thing that makes sense."

"Excuse me for not coming to that perfectly normal conclusion."

"You're excused," said the second man, but the first man lifted himself up and sank down on the second man's cock, making some kind of motion with his hips. It caused the second man to groan out, "Stop, I have answers to get from these people and you know I can't think when you do that."

"That's the point." To the Order, the first man asked, "So are you some kind of shady sex cult?"

He still made no move of getting off the other man. Lily realized he'd started lowering and rising a small amount, but his pacing seemed to be building up again toward the furious one they'd had before the conversation began.

"We," Albus began, sounding quite nearly put-together, as though he wasn't watching two strangers shamelessly continue having sex, "Are the Order of the Phoenix. I realize we have interrupted you, but if you would take a moment to hear us out. We used an ancient ritual to summon a hero we desperately need to destroy a great evil that has been plaguing wizarding Britain. Our war has reached such dire circumstances that we have no other choice but to seek help from a world that has already defeated their evil."

"You summoned someone who has defeated Voldemort?" the first man asked, sinking down again, but not coming up.

"Someone who has the power to defeat him, yes," Albus agreed.

"And you were only expecting one person."

"Correct."

"So which one of us is it?" the first man asked.

"Unfortunately, I cannot say. It seems that the ritual came upon the two of you as you were… entwined… and brought both of you to us."

"This is the most ridiculous thing you've gotten me into," the second man said, and while Lily couldn't see it, she could feel his glare.

"Hey! Not my fault. So not my fault. Look at Dumbledore standing over there." He rolled his hips and added, "Besides, you can't be that angry. You're still hard."

"I've fucked you in anger more times than I can count," the second man told him.

"There was that one time."

"We're not going to talk about that one time."

Albus cut in before the whole thing became even more drawn out. "Why don't we give you some time to acquaint yourselves with our world. We'll come back in half an hour," Albus said, very decidedly. The twinkle in his eyes must have vanished out of pure awkwardness.

"Mm," the first man said, and Lily couldn't tell whether it was agreement or a stifled moan. "How about we find you? Is there a Hog's Head in this world?"

"There is," Albus replied. "Please be assured, the reason we called you here is of great importance. You are our only hopes."

The first man waved a hand. "We'll be there."

Lily raised an eyebrow when Albus turned to them. Their visitors had already decided that the Order didn't exist.

"Are we really leaving?" she said under her breath.

"It seems like the most polite option," Albus said, rubbing his beard.

"I think this situation has gone far past polite," Minerva hissed quietly. "What are we going to do if they don't come?"

"We should force them to come with us," Severus snapped.

"Don't be an idiot—"

Sirius got cut off by James, who said, "Actually, maybe we should."

"Traitor."

"I believe it would be unwise to use force on a man—or two men—with the power to defeat Voldemort. If they are truly unwilling to help us, we'll know soon enough. If they decide not to join us, I should be able to track the magic of the place between dimensions that lingers on their skin."

"There'll be a lot of that," Sirius muttered.

But at Albus' direction, they left the clearing. Lily took one last look back at the two saviors of her world and had so very little faith in everything. Really, they were screwed. And not in any good kind of way that their possible saviors were enjoying. Upon arrival at the Hog's Head, the rest of them were uncomfortable witnesses to the conversation the Dumbledores had when Albus had asked his brother to give up his business on a Saturday night. Aberforth got an arm and a leg in money out of Albus, but he did shoo out his customers and, with a glare, left the premises himself. After, there was nothing to do but wait. Albus settled into a seat at one of the tables at the center of the room, Minerva sitting down next to him. Lily took a glance at Severus, who was scowling in a corner, but made her way over to her husband and Sirius instead. She and Severus had already spent so much time in each other's company while making the potion to open the door between dimensions.

"That was utterly insane," James was saying as she made her way over. He handed her a bottle of butterbeer.

Lily considered having a clear head, but she was barely going to get tipsy from just one bottle, and the whole situation had her needing something to dull the rolling stream of _what the fuck_. She took it and took a long gulp.

"I don't know, I kinda like them," Sirius mused. "They have balls of pure dragonhide."

Lily took an even longer drink. "Maybe the ritual screwed up."

James nodded. "Or worse— they have the power to defeat Voldemort, but they're not exactly the best kind of people."

"You're judging them only by the fact that they like having sex," Sirius replied, always happy to play devil's advocate. "I mean honestly, shaming two perfectly healthy young people for having a bit of fun?"

"You're just saying that because you were all but invited to join in," Lily told him, pushing at his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Lils," James said with a horrible grin. "I'm sure they would have invited us if we'd said please."

Lily waved her butterbeer at the both of them. "I don't even want to think about that." She glanced over to Severus and called, "Sev, join us. I need another sane person in my vicinity."

James and Sirius grumbled, but Severus approached with a bit of smugness. "You've spent a month in my company. I know how hard it can be to be forced to return to the company of idiots after a brief haven."

"Why must you do this to us?" Sirius groaned at her, but it was mostly for show. Lily had spent two decades forcing the marauders and her friends to get along and when Lily Evans Potter put her mind to something, it was damn well going to work out. Unless it was two people from a different universe, it seemed.

"Because I enjoy it when people I care about get along, same as you," Lily told him, the slightest bit of ruthlessness in her tone. If she had to put up with Sirius—and after all this time, she liked Sirius, she really did, but that didn't change the fact that the man was a headache and a half—then James and his friends would have to put up with the fact that she and Severus had rekindled their friendship. "Any thoughts on our heroes, Severus?"

"Not any good ones," the man replied, scowling.

They continued talking quietly, each of their eyes occasionally lingering on the dusty clock above the bar. As it came closer to half an hour past the time they'd left their heroes alone, Lily began to wonder if they were even coming at all. It couldn't be a good position that the Order had put them in. She'd deliberated on the topic a lot while making the potion, but she hadn't been able to come up with an answer that would both help their cause and soothe her guilt. Their world was in dire straights. They needed a miracle more than Lily needed to know that anyone who fought Voldemort was doing it willingly.

Five minutes past the half hour mark, the sound of a conversation began to reach the listening wards they'd set around the building. Lily was about to ignore them, since a ton of people had passed by the building without being useful, but then she recognized the voices. Instantly, she turned toward the door.

"—but I'm just saying, it had to have been me that the ritual meant to call. I mean there was a whole prophecy about me defeating the Dark Lord or some such rot. I'm the Boy Who Lived!"

Inside the building, Lily released a soft sound. Oh, Merlin. Oh, no.

Beside her, James looked as panicked as she did. "Do you think he meant…?"

"It could be that their world had a different Boy Who Lived," Lily whispered. It could be that the man on the other side of that door wasn't a version of her first son, a version who had survived that Halloween night when hers had died. She didn't know which possibility scared her more. Maybe it was Neville standing there, arguing with his lover. There had been two possibilities after all. She almost didn't catch the other man's reply.

"And I am in a unique position at being able to kill him. Who could have a better understanding of their Voldemort than I?"

"Because you're so understanding? People confuse you all the time."

"Regular people, with their irritating emotions and complaints. I'm sure the Voldemort here is a much more rational— Oh don't give me that look."

"I didn't say anything," the other man said, opening the door to the Hog's Head, his words coming through regularly to their ears instead of through the eavesdropping ward.

And oh, he wasn't Neville. Lily thought she'd never be able to look away from this man's dark her, his dark eyes that were hers as well, the scar above his brow, but then the other man entered behind him. Under the cover of darkness, she'd thought the second man as simply abnormally pale, but in proper lighting, he was monstrous. He was taller than any man could be, standing what must have been a foot taller than her son's already tall stature. His skin was an ashy white, but when she looked closely, there seemed to be a pattern on the skin, reminding her of a snake's scales. His lips were thin, the red of his lips and the red of his eyes the only spots of color on the man's face. Worst of all, he had no nose, with only two slits where his nose should be. Everything about him was horrifying—and yet this was the man her son had been having sex with just half an hour ago. At least now, they were both wearing robes.

"Hey, sex cult," her son greeted, glancing around the room.

"We are the Order of the Phoenix," Albus corrected, though rather mildly. He still seemed to be evaluating the two of them. Lily could almost see the thoughts racing in his head. "I was remiss in introducing myself earlier, though it appears you do know of a version of me. My name is Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts. These are Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Lily Potter, and James Potter, trusted members of our Order. And you are?"

"Harry Potter," the first man said with a faraway voice, his attention having instantly turned to her and James the second that Albus had said their names. "I don't suppose you two had a kid?"

He stepped forward and Lily held her arm out to keep James from doing anything rash. Because as she took a second and third and fourth look at this man, there wasn't anyone else he could be.

"Of course we did," she said. "Oh, look at you, Harry."

His steps grew faster and then he was hugging her tightly, tilting his head down so that he could rest his head on her hair. Lily was unfortunately aware of the fact that she'd just seen this version of her son having sex, but she decided she could be scarred for life about it later. He was warm and strong and alive in her arms, something he hadn't been for twenty-odd years. Lily clutched him tighter for a moment until she forced herself to let go. It was James' turn next. They were of a height, their hair exactly the same, and it made Lily's heart clench with so many conflicted feelings.

When Harry took a step back, he was smiling so widely at them. "I've wanted to do that for ages." And then he hugged Sirius, with an, "You are the best godfather I could've asked for," and put his arms around a horrified-looking Severus with a, "Being a godfather by marriage totally still counts. I hope you and Siri are just as happy together in your world."

The second man just sighed loudly at the whole spectacle.

"I can hug you too, if you're jealous," Harry said once he was finished doing the rounds of greeting his family. Lily was both horrified and charmed by the fact that her best friend was considered family to her son in one universe. When Harry rejoined his partner, he glanced around at the rest of the Order and said, "So, you guys want us to kill Voldemort?"

"If you're willing to help us," Minerva spoke. "Your help would be invaluable to us."

"What do you think?" Harry said, turning to his partner.

"You've already chosen, haven't you," the man grumbled. "I can meet you back in our world when you finish."

"But it won't be any fun without you there. Think of it as my early birthday present, please?"

"Your birthday is in half a year."

"Think of it as your own early birthday present! And besides, I bet I can kill him first."

"Preposterous," the man said, but he looked thoughtful. "I know all of his techniques."

"But this place is all different. I mean, look at my parents standing over there, alive as can be. Obviously he's entirely different. You don't even know what he looks like. Maybe he looks like he used to, but maybe all those dark rituals have made him unrecognizable even to us."

"I don't need to know what he looks like to track his magic." Smugness looked even more terrifying on him.

"Excuse me," Lily cut in, since the two of them seemed to be able to vanish off into their own conversation quite easily. "I never did get your name. I'd love to know my son from another universe's, er—"

"Husband," the man told her. Beside him, Harry showed off his wedding ring and preened. Oh, they were cute, despite Harry's strange choice of partner. The man huffed at her son, but he looked down at him with something almost soft. "And my name is Lord Voldemort."

Lily fumbled for her wand, but Albus and Minerva were faster. Within a few moments, the two visitors had six wands pointing at them. Lily took back every thought she'd had about the two of them being cute. Merlin. Maybe Voldemort was a pacifist in Harry's world, Lily thought hysterically. Maybe it was all a horrible joke. The muscles in her hand were tight around her wand. Please, god, please let that man be a good man in Harry's dimension, please let everything be completely different, please let her be wrong.

Neither man seemed very worried about being outnumbered. Voldemort—he looked so different from his alternate self, nothing at all like the man who haunted Lily's nightmares—simply raised an eyebrow at them.

"Oh, get over yourselves," Voldemort told them, his wand not even out. "I haven't even killed anyone in this dimension. Yet."

"And by yet he means your Voldemort," Harry said, with a roll of his eyes. "So the wandstill isn't necessary."

"And you're willing to kill our Voldemort?" James said, a confused sort of anger in his voice. "Funny if I don't believe that."

Voldemort—James and hers sort-of son-in-law—didn't seem concerned. "Believe what you wish, but I've never been disinclined to kill someone. Why would this be any different?"

"Because the man terrorizing our country is just a different form of you?"

"Potato, potato," Harry cut in, though he pronounced both the same way. "It's not like we're allied with this guy. Although, neither are we with you, but we'll help you. We're nice like that."

"Why are you in such a giving mood," Voldemort griped.

"I had a very nice orgasm. It's your own fault, really."

Voldemort made a face at the Order, who still had their wands trained on him. "At least there's always Dumbledore."

Lily was about to shoot, son-in-law or no, but Harry cocked his head and met her eyes. "Please don't, it looks like my mum likes him. It would be rude to start killing off her friends."

"You can consider this your gift for the next decade," Voldemort said, irritation clear in his voice. But he didn't take out his wand and didn't spare Albus another look.

Harry reached up to catch the back of Voldemort's head and Lily had to endure the horrifying visage of her son kissing the Dark Lord. Beside her, James gave a strangled sound.

When they let go, Voldemort's lips quirked upwards at Harry, and then he said, "He'll be dead before you get there." With a crack, he was gone, past the anti-apparition wards as though there hadn't been anything stopping him at all.

Harry gaped at the newly unoccupied space. "Fuck you, it doesn't count as a gift if you're the one who kills him!" He turned his attention to Lily and James. "I'm off, too. There's still a chance. If he's busy with the horcruxes, I can ambush the body before he gets to him and steal his kill. It was nice meeting all of you. Mum, Dad, I'll drop in for tea sometime, alright?"

And then he was gone.

"Did that really just happen?" James asked, slumping back to rest on the bar counter.

Lily had no answer to give him. She could barely believe what had happened. An yet, she didn't doubt that she would wake up in a world without Voldemort tomorrow morning. Not out of any altruism on the parts of their heroes, but out of the fact that she was sure neither of them would rest until they got one over the other.

Despite everything, she rather hoped Harry would keep his promise to have tea with them before he returned to his own world. Although if he brought his husband, she'd have to stock up on calming potions.

**Author's Note:**

> For more fiction of dubious quality: my [tumblr](https://crownwithoutstones.tumblr.com/) ;)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Is A Broken Boy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12868047) by [ookamijudge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ookamijudge/pseuds/ookamijudge)




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